1. Full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing:
2. Belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance:
3. Certitude; assurance.
The second and third definitions are more apt to what I'm talking about; belief in yourself and your abilities, being certain of what you can achieve and being assured of your success. Not only is confidence important, but not having confidence can be equally as destructive. What's interesting is when dictionary.com gives definitions they also give sentences so you know how to properly use the word. Here is the second definition in it's entirety:
2. Belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance:
His lack of confidence defeated him.
Dictionary.com even realizes that not having confidence is a problem, to the point where it can defeat you.
So how do you gain confidence? How fragile is it? What destroys confidence? How do you grab hold of confidence when you feel it slipping away?
It's interesting growing confidence in younger or beginning athletes. They don't have many experiences to draw upon, and they don't know how progress grows. You can tell them you believe that they're capable of something and they don't believe you, they don't have the confidence in themselves. What I tell my athletes is you gain confidence by putting in the work. It's not one or two fabulous workouts every so often, but weeks/months/years of hard work. It's consistency. It's every day putting that small deposit in the bank so that on race day you can take out a huge withdrawl. It's all the workouts that you've done in tough conditions, getting out there when you're tired, sore, or just not feeling it and putting in the effort anyway. That's one way of building confidence.
You can also pull off of prior experiences. I did it once, I can do it again! The body remembers what it's done and once you do something it's easier to duplicate it. It took years to break the four-minute mile barrier, but once it was broken many people did it. Once they saw it could be done they knew it could be done and it became possible.
How fragile is confidence? That's really a very personal question. Some have unfailing confidence. They always believe in themselves and their abilities. I think a lot of that was fostered and nurtured by parents and coaches. The converse is true, if you don't have parents and coaches saying they believe in you it's harder for you to develop it on your own. It's possible, definitely possible, but harder to do. Maybe an injury can take away your confidence. I've seen someone's confidence shattered by one poor race. Their confidence was so weak, so tenuous that any tremor blew it apart. For some a single DQ or even a single red card can cause their confidence to evaporate.
If you do a simple Google search on "how to build confidence" you'll get an almost infinite return of sites aimed to "Boost confidence now!" "5 Powerful Ways to Boost Your Self Confidence." and "25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self Confidence."
So why am I brining this up? It's because I'm having a crisis of confidence. The race is Saturday and I'm not feeling totally ready. My body is betraying me. I've always dealt with unstable hips. My SI joint likes to wobble around and occasionally go out. I've had it happen before big races, even during big races. I've worked hard to get it more stable, and am happy that the last few years it has gotten much better. I have strengthening exercises I do that really help and I can sometimes go months without anything going out. But then there are times when I'm traveling a lot or really tired or do a long/hard race - like a 50K - that sometimes my body just goes out.
When I got down to South Carolina I never felt quite right. I got an appointment with a chiropractor that I've seen and he said I was waaaay out. Okay. Happens. He put me back in place. But my muscles were really unhappy. They had gotten tight and didn't want to release. You know that feeling when you try and stretch and just can't? Yeah, that feeling. And when things go out I find my core work isn't easy. It just feels off. Where I can normally hold planks super solid for well over a minute multiple times, suddenly 30 seconds and I'm shaking all over the place. That translates to losing a lot of power when walking.
The chiropractor put me back in place, but the muscles were grumpy. Lucky for me we went to see the ART guy yesterday. He said I was super tight through the hips. Again, makes sense. Stuff was out, muscles tightened up, now to get them relaxed. After he worked on me I did a nice shake out walk that started feeling a bit more like myself.
But today I'm out again. Chances are it's just because I was so far out it didn't quite stick. We have an appointment with the chiropractor for a few hours from now, but it's getting to be mentally very difficult. I've had some good workouts since February 21, but not many. I don't need many, I know I'm still in shape, but what if I can't get my body to behave itself? This is shaking my confidence.
One of the websites from the Google search said the following: Know your strengths and weaknesses. Write a list of things that you are good at and things that you know need improvement. Excellent idea! I'm going to do it in the opposite order though, starting with things that need improvement and moving to things I'm good at. I like to always end with the positives. Here goes.
Things I need improvement on:
* More core/hip/pelvis stability. this is something I can continue to work on, but not a lot between now and Saturday. However, what I can do is go to the Chiropractor and ART, stretch, roll, and massage.
* More core/hip/pelvis stability. this is something I can continue to work on, but not a lot between now and Saturday. However, what I can do is go to the Chiropractor and ART, stretch, roll, and massage.
* Figuring out more what exactly happens to throw me out. Do I sit a certain way on the airplane that throws me off? Am I sleeping differently? Do I not stretch as much after a hard race? Am I drinking enough while traveling so that things don't get bound up. All these things are areas I can work on and improve.
Things I am good at:
* Walking long distances. 50K is what I love! I have twice gone under the standard I need to walk on Saturday. I know I'm in good shape. I know I'm good at walking 50K.
* I'm mentally tough. I know if I'm within striking distance of that qualifying time I will hit it. During workouts I constantly play games with myself by giving myself time goals to hit at the end of workouts. It works really well.
* Staying positive. Sometimes I can get negative thoughts going through my head, but I'm generally excellent at keeping them out. In the track race at Banks two years ago I hit a patch where I started to slow down and I started to freak out and I almost started to hyperventilate. I finally was able to tell myself to chill the f*@k out and I got right back on track.
I believe that if my body is working as it should I can hit the standard. The thing that's shaking my confidence is what if my body isn't at optimal? Can I do it then? I thought I could do it February 21st, but the heat was just too much for me. The weather forecast is so much better here, not what some would consider 100% ideal, but really darned close to it.
So here is how I will deal with my confidence crisis. I will realize the following:
1. The only thing I can do is my best. I can get out there and work as hard as I can, racing smart and tough.
2. I am in shape to do it. I've done it before and can replicate it.
3. I am mentally tough and can push through the rough patches and enjoy being on the track with good competition, working together to reach our goals.
4. I will go into it knowing I did everything I could do; seeing the chiropractor, stretching, staying hydrated and well fueled.
5. I will go over in my mind other times when I maybe doubted what I could do but came out victorious. All the times people thought I couldn't do it and I proved them wrong. When I'm on the track getting tired I will hear in my head the things people have said and I will laugh as I once again prove them wrong.
6. I am a hard worker.
Think about your confidence. Where does it stem from? What holds it together? How can you continue to grow your confidence so that if something happens to shake it you'll have the foundation to hold strong? Be confident that you can achieve what you set out to achieve.
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