Well, it's over. I went to London, did my best and had a not so great day. The gun sounded and I felt great, I was right on pace for a 4:27 and feeling super. It was suggested by some that my SI joint or my back was out. This was not the case at all. The USATF medical staff were simply amazing and my body was completely and fully functioning. And to me my technique felt solid. The paddles came early and quick and I had almost reached 9K when I saw the dreaded red paddle. In every picture I've seen my legs were dead straight. I would ask if anyone has pictures or video of me to please send them my way as I'd like to take a look. But I did get this comment post race: "
I looked at the first four laps and you were not bent legged. It was clearly political."
On to happier things. It was an amazing race! The women out there did all women proud. Everyone fought every step of the way. No one DNFed. Two athletes were forced to stop due to the time limit restriction, but they pushed all the way. The men's side saw 6 DNFs and a few of the guys were death marching by the end. Ines broke the world record and the support from the crowd was incredible. The announcers were positive and excited for what would happen in the future. It was an amazing day for women's 50K race walkers! And I am happy and proud that I was out there giving my best alongside them.
I want to address, one last time, the negativity. After this post I'll leave it, because some people will never listen or adjust their narrow views. But some are still willing to look at other sides. And some of it has been directly personal, and that hurts.
1. Criticism that the IAAF was forced, the event should've been allowed to grow organically, not pushed so that only a select few were allowed to compete, it should've been done a different way:
First, with all the people who have complained that it was gone about the wrong way, not one single person has stood up to say they will help to do it the right way going forward. Not one. People are willing to criticize, to yell that they didn't like how it was done, but no one has anything to back it up to change things for the future. But, to address some of this we must go into points of law, not opinion. This is an important distinction. Points of law are not to be swayed by emotions or opinions. Did I go to the Court of Arbitration of Sport (CAS)? I can't say. It's confidential. As a matter of law I cannot tell people if I even went or not. If it were to be found out that I talked to people while a case with CAS were potentially going on (let us speak in a hypothetical for a while) it could completely negate the case, if there were one. And let's think about law for a minute. When someone wants to point out an inequality, they have to do so in specifics, not generalizations. You can't have someone go to court for "equal pay for women." It has to affect someone specific and in particular. Then that particular person has to go to court for "equal pay for her." Along the way it will help other women, but that is a side benefit, not the crux of the case.
Now, let's say, in a hypothetical, that an athlete does go to CAS stating that the time limit imposed is not gender equal for the London World Championships. That is a specific event that is being spoken about as that is the event that is forthcoming. Now, let's say, in a hypothetical, that the IAAF comes back and says, well, we'll give you London or we'll give you Taicang. Two things here. First, a matter of law. If the lawyer that is representing the athlete says, hey, take Taicang, that'll be better for all women all over the world, believe it or not, that would be grounds for that lawyer to be disbarred. Yes, the lawyer could lose their license for suggesting taking that bargain. Crazy right? You say, but that's silly! But as a matter of law (not opinion or feelings) it is. This is because you're giving up a tangible (the event for which the athlete should have qualified for and the event for which the case came about) for an intangible (an event that the athlete could possibly qualify for, but hasn't yet qualified for since nothing for that event has yet to be decided including qualifying times, qualifying races and so on).
It was stated that because I'm having hip surgery I wanted to go to London because I won't be competing next year. That person took some information and made their own assumptions. I will not be out of competition next year. I am taking the rest of the year off for the surgery and to train and improve my overall fitness, but I will be on the start line in January ready for my next 50K. Unless something goes horribly wrong with the surgery and it ends my career, but that is incredibly doubtful.
Third, and to me the most obvious. If you had a race with women in it in Rome, you had a race with women in it in London, why in the world would you think that trend wouldn't continue? If the fight was won for London, why would you think the fight wouldn't also be won for Taicang? Why put off for tomorrow what you can do today? For all the women who were complaining of what they "might" have done if they'd known? Every woman could see the writing on the wall. Some chose to take a risk and a gamble, some didn't. That was their choice. Now they know. All women know. There is no longer ANY excuse. If you want to do a 50K, start training. Otherwise no complaining.
2. Said athlete (AKA me) did it for purely selfish reasons, not caring for the sport at all, but purely for her own gains:
I have a fairly thick skin, you have to in some ways to be a race walker with the ridicule we get while out training. But I will be honest with you and say that this hurt, and hurt to my core. Especially since it came from people who I thought were, maybe not necessarily my friends, but at least knew me well enough to be able to judge motives. Let's get the first bit out of the way. Do I want to race 50Ks? YES! Of course I do! Duh! What else have I been doing since 2010? It is the event I love. So will the things that get fought for also affect me? Yes. Because I am a female 50K race walker. But everything I have done has been for women in general (and since I am -generally- a woman it will also be for me). In 2012 when I asked to be allowed to race in the Olympic Trials, you could say that was just for me, but that was because no other women had made the standard. However, look how that changed for 2016 and how many women we had compete! In 2013 when I lobbied for equal prize money for women, yes I did get prize money, but so did the other women that year. And all women in years after that. Some have even thanked me. Last year we drove over 1,000 miles traveling to high schools in the region giving clinics for the athletes and for the coaches. None of it was paid, all of it came out of our pocket. We did it because we care and want the race walks to stay strong in our region. We put on races for athletes to achieve qualifying times, and publish it well in advance. This is in opposition to some people who host races and don't publish it until a few days before so only their athletes get the opportunity to participate. We host national championships. Last year we personally took a $900 loss in putting on races. We work to get more officials in our association to have better quality races. I was the Niagara Association RW chair for USATF for something like 4 years (I am passing that baton this year). I coach athletes, two of which qualified for outdoor nationals this year and one of whom has made a national team. Yes, I do get paid for some of them, but I also am of the belief that no one should go without a coach, so if there are financial hardships I work out deals with the athletes. The most I have ever charged is $50 a month, and that is for full access coaching. On average I spend 10-30 hours with my athletes per month. In no way am I getting rich from coaching. Anyone who sends me video to analyze I do, for no fee. I have spent my life giving to the sport, and this is what I've gotten back, personal attacks and being told I'm selfish. And even in the personal attacks I can't catch a break. On the one hand I get "She went about it all wrong, she made the wrong decisions, she's going to ruin the 50K" but then they turn around and say "I hope she keeps fighting so that more women can race in Taicang." Really? Which is it? I do it all wrong or you want me to move forward?
3. And let's address that comment, the women are going to ruin the 50K:
How quickly people forget. Who remembers April? I don't remember the exact date and I'm too lazy to look it up, when it was leaked that the 50K was going to be dropped after London? The outrage, the movement to save the men's 50K? People have been trying to get rid of the 50K or the race walk in general for years. We have these same discussions after every Olympics. But now all of a sudden it's the women's fault? That's just absolutely absurd. The IOC has said it wants equality and 23 events for women and 24 for men is not equality. Any reporter looking at an Olympic program can count and see there's an inequality there. But wait, you say! They don't specify if it's number of athletes or number of events! Ah, ha! I've got you! That's just silly beyond words. That is such a chauvinist comment. It's like trying to figure out the smallest possible way to get equality, the least amount of fairness you can find. Equality means being equal in numbers, and number of athletes and number of events are all numbers. There is no (good) reason to leave the women out of the 50K. But wait, you say! It's more than just equality, it's finances. The race needs to make them happy in terms of money. No, that is bad logic for a number of reasons. Adding the women doesn't change the financial problems that RWing has for the games. You're still not going to sell tickets. What we have going for us, same with the marathon, but better, is that people can come and watch and DON'T have to pay for tickets. It's the people's race. They get to experience the best in the world and be up close and personal. The Mall was packed with people! And they were yelling and cheering for the women like crazy. Especially wen Ines broke the world record. And we're not a long course that you're only going to see people go by once or twice. You can stand there and watch the entire race unfold. That is something special.
4. The women's 50K should be allowed to grow organically:
I didn't realize we were talking about a garden. Pre 2004 if an event was going to be added you had to show a certain level of participation from a certain number of federations. This was how the women's steeple, hammer, and pole vault came to be. But a significant thing happened in 2004, the IAAF Constitution was changed. In Article 4 reads the following:
3. To encourage participation in Athletics at all levels throughout the world regardless of age, GENDER, or race.
4. To strive to ensure that no gender, race, religious, political or other kind of unfair discrimination exists, continues to exist, or is allowed to develop in Athletics in any form, and that all may participate in Athletics regardless of their gender, race, religious or political views or any other irrelevant factor.
These are matters of law. Again, not opinion, feelings or thoughts. No longer do we have to let things grow organically, it's a matter of being right and fair and equal. Half of what I've heard is all the women who would've done a 50K had they just but known. Time to put your money where your mouth is. We will show the world how strong women 50K walkers are!
5. Judging. If we add women in with the men it'll be a judging nightmare:
All one has to do is look at what the DQ board looked like to see that the judges obviously had no problems seeing the athletes. It's a 50K. You've got over three and a half hours to judge the athletes. You're going to see them potentially 50 times (25 laps, twice per lap, if you're looking across, otherwise around 25 times). By around 30K or so you start to see some drop, and the packs are definitely thinned down to maybe half a dozen. Compare this to the 20K where there are packs of 8-10 up through 16K. Now that's a lot harder to judge. By the end of the 50K it was incredibly easy to judge the athletes, the course was starting to look barren with all the DNFs and DQs. That argument makes no sense, and really is not relevant to a matter of equality anyway.
So let's recap. I shouldn't have fought, but I'm supposed to keep fighting. Why should I? For all the ungrateful people out there, including some competitors who raced? Those who couldn't even say thank you to the lawyer who fought tirelessly for them to be out there? Who couldn't even be appreciative for what they had and instead had to complain that they didn't know? When they knew just as much as everyone else. And no, I didn't know months before hand. I was trying to hit the 20K standard just like everyone else. I had things happen that made outdoor nationals not the race I wanted, but I chose, after the 50K in January, to focus the rest of my year on the 20K. My training diary shows it. I wasn't secretly trying to gain an advantage over people. I have always publicly stated that I want to win because I'm the best person out there on the day, not because of some other type of advantage. That's not who I am or who I ever have been. I believe in fair play and sportsmanship. When I coached a HS team in NYC my girls knew the only way to get kicked off the team was for unsportsmanlike conduct. They could miss practices and I would understand, but if I saw them being unsportsmanlike that was it, off the team.
Everyone had the same information, and all five competitors got the official notification at the same time. The area champions found out later. Some focused just in case. Ines told me her federation had appealed to the IAAF twice to let her compete by virtue of being the world record holder and was denied. But she never gave up hope and trained just in case. Of course she also had a spot on the 20K team, so she knew she was going either way, but she chose to train for the 50K. We all made decisions based on what we knew and thought was best.
Should I continue to fight for others when I'm the one who's out the time, energy, stress and money? When I personally have to put out money for fees? I was desperately hoping to finish strong and earn some prize money in London. That did not happen. Now I have financial issues to address on top of the emotional toil all this took out of me. I did that for the women out there as well as myself. Did it benefit me, of course, but I still did it for others as well. Listen to interviews I've given, I always talk about other women competing and having the opportunity to compete.
And one of the saddest parts of all this is realizing how people you thought were your friends really are not. And no, I don't go for the whole, "I'm a supporter of you and consider you a friend but I'm going to publicly bash you and you should still think we're friends." That doesn't work for me. I don't do that to my friends. If I disagree with them on something I will tell them, but I will approach them privately, not smear things all over FB.
There have been supporters, and lots of them. But here's the thing guys, you need to yell as loud as the naysayers. People say on FB that the overwhelming response to this was negative. Well, from what you see on FB, yes it was. But from what I got in my inbox no it wasn't. Those of you who believe in this and are supportive need to use your voices. When you see the slamming you need to take a stand. Saying it privately is nice and very appreciated, but it still leaves only the negative out there with no one speaking up.
I never answered the question. Will I continue to fight? I'm really hopeful that the IAAF will do the right thing and add a women's 50K to Taicang now. If they don't? Right now honestly I'm not sure. I have to recover from the past month, both emotionally and financially and then reassess. Do I want to? Yes. Will I? We'll see.
