Two days til my favorite type of race.... a 50K!!!! It has been a bumpy roller coaster ride the last five months. Very bumpy and very up and down. And now the race is in two days. Here's some of the thoughts going through my brain.
1. My goal is to finish. I know, the first goal is always to finish. But sometimes we just say it and then have a goal that really means something. In this case it really is just to finish. The most Ks I've put together in a single day since August is 31K and those were not fast. I know I'm coming into this race undertrained. Not because I've been slacking, in some ways I've worked harder in the last 5 months since surgery than I have in my life, it's just that the working hard I've done hasn't been putting miles down on the road. So I want to finish. I want to know that my recovery is done and I'm on my road back. Not just back to recovery to the old me, but on the road to being a better version of myself. One where I can push through anything. One where I can be tough and focused and ready for any challenge.
2. The last month or so have been mentally very challenging. And I do mean very. I'm a big proponent of consistent training. That it's not super awesome workouts you have once in a while, but putting in the work over time. I haven't been able to do that, for one reason or another, and it kills me. And of course, like most athletes, once I have a good day I automatically want to think "all right! That's it! I'm back! Now I can put my mileage back up to where it used to be!" Which is of course silly. The worst part is when I have a few good days in a row and I think I really am back to my old self (or on the way to becoming better self) and then it all falls apart. Case in point. Sunday I went to an indoor track meet. I got there super early and did a longish warm up. About 7K. After the first two K being rough because I was tight, I was actually moving quite well. Then I raced a 5,000. I pushed myself hard and went over 30 seconds faster than I raced the national 5,000 indoors December 30th. Not too bad for three weeks later! Then, that night I went to the high school and did 10K in the halls. It went great! I felt awesome! The next day, Monday, I was a bit tired, as expected since that was, for me an awesome day, but still did another fantastic 10K. Tuesday we had a big storm and the school closed and the roads were covered in snow so I didn't get out to race walk. But I did some elliptical and it was brutal. I was so slow and heavy. No problem I thought, you had two solid days, a day rest will do good for you. Then Wednesday you can do some speed. Wrong! Wednesday I had nothing in my legs. Nothing. Nada. Zip. And even worse was how it made me feel mentally. Five days before the race and there's nothing there. Now I know that there's still plenty of time for my body to recover and be ready for Saturday, and I'm sure I will be. Unless I get sick or something like that I'm always ready on race day. But I missed the mental confidence of doing a solid session before the race.
3. I'm really having to try and relearn some mental toughness. Not the mental toughness of pushing through a session or a race, the mental toughness of feeling like I'm failing. Of feeling like I should be so much farther ahead than I am. Of when I have those days when I'm just so down and all I want to do is lay on the couch and feel sorry for myself to instead pick myself up and ask myself, what can I do to make today a success? Some days the answer has legitimately been to rest. Some days it's to make sure I do extra core work, or to stretch, or to read some articles on mental toughness. But then every day I can say I did something to make myself better.
4. With all this I'm still going to have an awesome race. How do I know? Because I love 50Ks! Because I am so thankful to be out there racing. Racing the distance I love with other women who now have the opportunity to race it internationally. Knowing that many of them are there because I helped open the door for them. Knowing that I'm fighting my way for a spot on the team to go to China and race. How cool is that? I usually don't like talking about how fast I hope/expect to go in a race, but this time I will. I have no idea! I honestly could go anywhere between 4:45 and 5:30. My plan? To start off feeling comfortable and hold on and push the last 10K. Whatever comes out comes out. Saturday is basically a training walk for me getting ready for Mexico and ultimately China.
5. My goal between now and Saturday morning? Get as mentally ready as I can. Smile a lot. Be excited to see my friends and my parents. Enjoy getting out of this snowy land of cold for a few days and be happy and excited to race yet another 50K!
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