The story of my spine

My spine has had a long and storied history.  When I was a kid, maybe around 10 or so, I fell off a horse and knocked the curve out of my spine.  I had to go to a chiropractor for quite a while to get it back.  Then in 2007 I had the car accident where I broke 6 bones in my neck and it did who knows what else to the rest of my spine.  When you break bones in your neck that tends to be the main focus.  And while I don't know for sure, we're pretty certain that the rest of my spine got thrown for a loop.  

I've always had to go to the chiropractor. (For international friends, in the US chiropractic is much more mainstream than in some countries where it's considered very fringe.)  I've had times where I've had to go multiple times per week to where I've only gone once per month.  If I were to go too long without going my SI Joint/sacrum would go out of alignment and I'd lose all my power.  I was told, by multiple coaches/trainers that I needed to strengthen my right glute.  We'd joke that I was half a lazy ass because my right glute didn't want to engage.  So I was tasked with glute exercises.  I did them all.  I did them a lot.  And it never helped.  I was told to work on my technique, just work on it and just fix it.  So I tried.  And tried and tried.  And it did improve.  I did get things better.  But it was never as good as it "should" have been.  Not for lack of me trying and for a lot of frustration on my part.  

Things never got as bad as they did for the race in Oman and then especially the race in Australia.  I've never been in that much pain before.  I've never gotten the sciatica type pain before, and that was a little scary.  

Since I've moved to Colorado Springs I've been working at finding practitioners.  It's not easy.  I'm used to my old chiropractor and I miss her like crazy.  She kept me moving and working.  I'd been seeing two different chiropractors here deciding if I liked one more than another.  I was talking with one of them asking if they did a certain type of adjustment and she didn't, but she gave me the number of a sports chiropractor (there's  such a thing?!?!).  So I called.  I went in last week.  He was very, very thorough.  Took a full history, took X-rays, did some other interesting scan.  Sat and talked with me.  Then spent the night looking at it.  Then met with me the next day to go over stuff.  He's a great teacher and went over things really thoroughly.  He's also done Ironman triathlons so understands endurance athletes and their mindset.   

Here's the findings.  I have scoliosis.  Not front to back, but I wiggle sideways.  My spine curves in such a way that it's not possible for me to engage my right glute like I wanted to.  When he told me that I literally broke into tears in his office.  YEARS I have spent thinking I wasn't working hard enough or trying hard enough and I find out today that no matter how hard I worked it would've never worked like I wanted it to.  Can you imagine what that feels like?  

Along with the scoliosis some of the bones in the spine are starting to get bone spurs and pushing and it's not too far away from bulging discs.  So the pain I was feeling in Australia wasn't sciatica type pain, it WAS sciatica pain.  And that totally sucks.  I still have goals, but I also want to be able to live a long healthy life doing physical activities and the thought that RWing could mess with that really threw my brain for a loop over the weekend.   

But today I met with the doctor and we have a plan.  He doesn't think things are so far gone that there's no coming back.  So we made a plan.  I have things to work on and guidelines to follow.  In a few months we'll see how I'm responding to treatments and decisions can be made.  It's both terrifying and hopeful.  It'll be what it'll be, but man I want to keep going.

I'm glad how I've been feeling these last few months wasn't a figment of my imagination.  I kept feeling like things were off.  I would train and I knew I was in better shape than my workout times were showing.  I thought it was maybe the elevation, the move, the lack of flat places to train, but I knew it wasn't right.  Knowing there's a reason and not just me not working hard enough is such a relief.   

Fingers crossed everybody...   Enjoy your training.  Love what you do.  You never know...  

The story of the Australian Centurion attempt

 

We are home safe and sound after a very disappointing but fun trip to Australia. I've been before, but it was Dave's first time, so it was great seeing him experience things. We didn't do a ton of touristy stuff since before the race we were getting ready for the race and after the race we were both hurting, but we experienced Melbourne and got to go to a wildlife sanctuary and see all the native critters.

At least some of the sting of not making 100 miles has faded, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. I really wanted that badge. Mentally I was all in ready to go. My biggest concern going in was my SI joint/sacrum. I did get an appointment with a physio before the race (There aren't really chiropractors in Australia. They're considered fringe medicine and not really trusted. A Physio in Australia is sort of a combination of Physical Therapist and massage therapist and someone who knows a ton...). He worked on my quite a bit, but didn't do any actual shifting of my SI. I asked him how it was when we were done and he said "pretty good" which didn't give me a lot of confidence. I need really good before a long race like that, but it's not like I had any other options and he wasn't willing to do anything else on me. He said I'd be sore and I'm thinking to myself "yeah, but I'll be more sore if things go out." But my workout the next day went great and I thought it just might be good enough!

Race weekend was really nice for the Australians, highs around mid 70s, but for us coming from Colorado where we're usually around freezing it felt a bit warm. Not hot enough that we thought it'd derail us, but definitely something to pay attention to. And the race started at noon, so we'd feel the heat for the first portion of the race. I started the race fully hydrated and started drinking early. I also started eating early. If there's one thing (besides my SI) for me to improve it's my fueling. My stomach tends to reject food after a while, so I went in with a definite plan of how much to eat when. I was sticking to it and all the food was going down great and I felt full of energy. I even had to stop for a bathroom break around the 4 hour mark so I knew I was still hydrated. I started off right on plan. I was going like clockwork. Feeling good and enjoying the laps as much as you can enjoy going in 445 meter circles. I went through 25% of the race going at 20 hour pace. I wasn't expecting to finish in 20 hours, but I knew I'd need some cushion for the next day if it got hot (it did) and for bathroom breaks, if I needed to change clothes, or whatever else came up. And since 20 hour pace is around 7:30 per K pace, it's not like I was going fast. After 4 hours we all changed direction on the track. I was still feeling great. About 5 or 5.5 hours in I started to feel just a little niggle in my SI. Nothing that was bugging me, but it just caught my attention. The best thing of the whole race happened just before I hit 50K. We were staying with the race director, 50K Olympian Tim Erickson. Tim's son, Chris Erickson, is also a 3x 50K Olympian. I've known Chris for a number of years and he said he'd stop by and see how things were going. He very graciously asked me if there was anything he could bring. So I asked him to bring me a milkshake. After 5.5 hours walking in the (for us) heat it went down a treat!!! So not only did I get a milkshake, but I got to cross the 50K mark walking with a 50K Olympian! So cool!

Not too long after that, about 6:40, I was going by my aid table and I reached for something and sort of missed it and made a grab for it. Big, big mistake! My SI joint and all the surrounding muscles absolutely went crazy. It was instant pain, almost sciatic pain up and down. I slowed down, just started to regular walk. There was a physio that was going to come to the race, so I asked when he'd be there and was told 7:00. Cool, I could hang on for 20 minutes. At this point the wind that had been blowing and keeping me a little cooler died down and I started to feel like I was massively over heating. So I was dumping water on me to stay damp. It was working and I was feeling okay. 7:00 came and the physio wasn't there, they told me he got stuck in traffic. So I kept walking. Slowly, but at least I was still making forward progress. About 7:30 he arrived. They let me know and I went into the physio tent. At this point it's dark and the temperature is dropping. And I stop. And I'm damp. Really, really bad combination. So as he's working on my muscles to try and get stuff to relax I start to shiver. Not just a little but those big uncontrollable shivers that make all the muscles go nuts. He found a blanket for me. He worked stuff as best he could and I went back on the track. When I went by my aid table they could see me shivering and I asked for my fuzzy sweater. I got it put on and warmed up fairly quickly. My SI/Sacrum area felt better. It took me a while to get other muscles that had freaked out going again. I asked the people at the aid station if they would do the math to see what pace I'd now need to hold to make it to 100 miles in the 24 hour cutoff. Next time around I was told I'd need to do 4:12 laps (remember this is for 445 meters, not 400). So, I would need to do 4:12 per lap for 16 hours straight with no slowing down and no breaks. Okay.... So I did some laps to see if I could get my time down to that. It took me about another 3 laps of re-warming up but I was able to get to that pace. But at that point my muscles around the SI were starting to spasm again and I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it for 16 more hours. That's just a long time to be in pain. And I worried that walking that long with it spasming or being out of alignment could actually do some serious damage. While I really wanted that badge I wanted to have a longer career more. So I made the really, really hard decision to stop at the almost 59K mark.

Once I stopped I did change but I kept getting cold. Everything would spasm. Everything ached because I had walked different for about 7.5K while I was waiting for the physio and I used muscles how I don't normally. I was really miserable and in pain. But Dave was still going so I was trying to support him. Unfortunately he called it quits around 10:00 I think (time got a bit blurry at that point). The next day I was giving Dave a hug and my SI joint gave a huge CRACK! Dave sort of freaked out thinking it must've hurt me, but it actually felt so much better because I think it went back in place. After that muscles were sore but I wasn't getting the sciatic-type pains. That changed after all the traveling back and stuff. Now it still feels off and I'm having a hard time getting it back in place. It's very, very frustrating. I don't know why I'm "suddenly" having such a problem with it. I'm sure I'll get it figured out, but man it's driving me nuts. The race itself was spectacular! Tim is an amazing race director. The atmosphere was great, there were tons of people on the track. Our aid helpers, John Kilmartin and Michelle Thompson were fantastic. There were other Australian Centurions there helping that I'm embarrassed I've forgotten their names, but they were great.

On the one hand I'm glad I'll "have" to go back to Australia, but I would rather I didn't have to go for my Centurion badge again. Oh well. In a race that long anything can happen and it's never a "for sure" that you'll make it.

Thanks so much to everyone who was supportive and wished us good luck and followed along. It really meant a lot. And now, on to the next goal...

My third 20K Olympic Trials

Olympic Trials 2021!  

The day is done and the race has been raced.  As is typical with any athlete after a race I have a ton of emotions going through my body and brain right now.  It'll take time to sort them all out, but for the most part I am content.  The race could have gone better and it could have gone worse.  I gave it what I had under the circumstances and I know (and preach to my athletes ALL THE TIME) that the only thing you can do is your best.  

The race was held in Springfield, a few miles from Hayward Field.  There's a strong Simpsons influence :) 

My goals going into the race were mainly process goals.  I wanted to race strong, which for me means a strong technique, not going out too fast, and finishing well.  I figured if I did that the place would take care of itself.  My outside place goal was 8th as that's the last place that has prize money, but I didn't know if that would be doable or not.  I went into the race seeded 13th of 15.  

The race started off and a few ladies took off.  Then there was a huge pack of about 8-10, of which I was a part.  I was at the back of the pack, but still there.  I was honestly confused because I wasn't expecting to be with a bunch of the ladies that had much faster qualifying times and had raced significantly faster than I had this season.   The race was on a 1K loop, and as far as I know the 500 wasn't marked, so I was walking blind in terms of pace.  But once I came around to the start/finish I saw my first K was about 5:35, which was just about perfect for what I wanted.  It was feeling easy, which was what I wanted.  So I settled in.  Well, most of that big pack in front of me saw that split and took off.  I'm sure it looked like I slowed down, but my second K was actually 5:31, so it really was them shooting forwards.  

My backstretch cheering section!  Apparently they were "assigned" to cheer for me, but after a quick google they were totally into it!  They made signs and cheered every lap!  Yay for new friends!

I stayed patient and it didn't take long before I picked someone off.  I was still feeling great.  Strong, but slightly off.  I got some bent knee paddles, but didn't get a card so didn't sweat about it too much.  (I did end up getting one card)  I felt a few times like I felt a bit uncoordinated, which sometimes means my SI joint is about to go out.  I didn't panic and just tried to focus and really engage the muscles I needed to engage to keep my hips stable.  Since I ended up with only the one card I'm not too worried, but I will go back to some hard-core technique work and lots of video.

One thing I thought about but didn't think about was the bottle situation.  I usually race with a reusable bottle and I know how much I drink out of it each time.  Well, they weren't allowing those to be chased after so I ended up losing a bottle.  My amazing aid station helper (thanks Katie Grimes!!!!!) sprung into motion and got some disposable water bottles and put my drinks in there.  I really think I drank way more than I usually do.  I'm not entirely sure this is what happened, but it's the best I can come up with.  My splits were spot on through 11K.  My race plan was to hit the second half harder.  But once I started to push I got a stitch just under my ribs.  Not just a normal stitch, a whopper of a stitch.  I couldn't breathe!  Once that happened, wham!  My pace hit the wall.  What was interesting though was that my HR data didn't change.  I dropped 20 seconds a K but my HR stayed the same.  It was nuts.  I stopped drinking my drinks and just got a smidge of water.  I was never thirsty and I had to pee after the race, so I didn't dehydrate myself.  I kept waiting for the stitch to go away.  Every time I thought it was going away I tried to push and it came right back.  It was so frustrating because I had more in my legs, but it just absolutely hurt to breathe!    Finally with about 2.5-3K left it loosened up enough I was able to push just a bit more.  

I know I pushed all I could but man is it frustrating to not be able to push how you want to.  My time ended up at 1:54:48.  I think the stitch cost me about 2 minutes, maybe more.  So frustrating.  

I accomplished what I wanted to.  As far as I know I'm the oldest woman to be competing in the 2021 Trials in Eugene.  I'm really proud of that.  I've qualified for three 20K Olympic Trials AFTER I broke 6 bones in my neck.  

So now it's on to new goals.  I've got big ones and I'm not afraid.  First up is a big distance block and some massive work in the gym getting ready for Paris-Alsace the end of August.  That is going to be SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!   

I don't know what I'd do without the constant support from Dave.  He always believes in me and it means the world to me.  My chiropractor is not only the best chiropractor I could wish for, but also someone I consider a friend.  I wouldn't be able to do what I do if it wasn't for her keeping my body sorted out.

Soon I'll post more about Paris-Alsace.  It's a race I'm REALLY excited to race this year.  And with the different format I think it's going to be really great for me.  But for now it's train, train, train and fix up house, sell house, move!  

Outside the Whole Foods

Stretching on a bridge over the river.

Motivation

Post race fuel!

A year in recap and the 20K Olympic Trials

 

Well, I haven't written in forever.  I see my last post was over a year ago.  The Pandemic affected everyone differently, and I sort of went into my own shell.  I, like so many, was frustrated, devastated and upset.  When they canceled World Team Champs I stopped training for a while.  I've always been very goal oriented.  I train for specific events.  When there are no events I feel lost and adrift.  The same is true for me in music.  If I don't have a concert coming up I don't practice.  Apparently it's how I'm wired.

With all the races cancelled Dave and I were trying to figure out what to do with our pent up energy.  We decided to buy a run down house and fix it up to resell it.  From June of 2020 til February of 2021 that's what we worked on.  It was a HUGE job, there was a fire in the house in 2012 and a hole in the roof and two of the foundation walls were falling inward.  There was no plumbing and very little electrical.  It was also a hoarder house, so the first three weeks we spent trying to get all the stuff out.  Luckily a lot of the stuff had value and we were (and still are) able to sell it.  We ended up building a beautiful house that someone is now (hopefully) enjoying.  And we made a nice profit on it.  

The downside of flipping the house was that we trained very little.  We were working extremely hard, many days were 10-16 hours of work, but not race walk specific training.  

When races started opening back up we started training, but it was very frustrating.  No one likes to feel slow and out of shape.  I gained weight over the Pandemic and that was literally weighing me down.  

I got excited for our 35K nationals and started training in earnest.  I even went to Santa Fe, New Mexico to train at altitude and to focus on training and to get out of the Upstate NY winter.  Training was going okay.  Not great, not horrible, but okay.  I felt safe going there during the Pandemic because basically all I did was train.  I didn't go out, didn't interact with anyone, just trained.  Grocery store obviously, but I'd have to do that in NY, and I'll tell you what, the people in Santa Fe ALL wore their masks all the time when in public.  So in a lot of ways I felt safer there than I did in New York.

As the race got closer we saw that California was having a spike in cases.  It just looked so bad.  I was going to have to drive there, since I had driven to Santa Fe, and the thought of being in an area with so many cases just made me nervous.  I didn't feel like it was the responsible thing to do in a Pandemic, so I decided to skip the race.  I also thought that if the Pan Am Cup were to happen I would qualify based on my 2020 performance.  Pan Am Cup didn't happen so all I was out was a national race and some prize money.

It took a while to get going.  Motivation came and went.  I thought I found someone to help me to reach my goals, but that person turned out to be a dud.  Oh well.  I've done well coaching myself before, I can do it again.  

One thing I've changed is that I'm going to the gym 3-5 times a week.  It's an interesting system, everyone has an area and there's either one or two trainers at the gym, they give you your set and them wander around the whole gym.  When you've done that set of whatever they give you what's next.  So you're getting personal guidance, but there's anywhere between 3-15 other people there at the same time.  It's going really well for me.  I've never been so strong in my core, ever.  And boy can I tell the difference in my technique.  It's helped me get fitter faster than I probably would've if I was just walking and cross training on my own.  It has negatively affected some walking workouts, sometimes I'm just blown out, especially after leg days.  But I know I'm in the building phase so it's okay.  Most importantly it's fun, and that's really what I need and want is to go out and have fun. 

I've set some BIG goals for myself.  Goals that I think are just on the edge of what I can achieve.  But I believe.  And Dave believes.  And really that's all I need.  I may wish that others believed in me, but when it comes down to it it really doesn't matter if no one else believes, I do.  

The 20K Olympic Trials are Saturday (it's currently Tuesday)  I'm very happy to have made it in.  I didn't have the qualifying time, but I made it based on top 15.  I go into the race ranked 13th.  There are members of the Race Walk Executive Committee who think that people like me (those who made it in on place and didn't hit the qualifying standard) shouldn't be allowed to race.  I intend to show them wrong.   

I know I'm getting older and that physiologically I'm going to have to work harder and harder and harder.  I'm prepared to do that.  I have my own personal motivation, the reasons that when I'm tired or don't want to go out, I think about those things and get fired up.   I remember that when I've truly believed in myself I have ALWAYS hit my goals.  I believe in myself now.  

The Trials on Saturday are a stepping stone.  They're a means to an end.  I'm very happy to be going to my third 20K Olympic Trials.  I have zero chance of making it to the Olympics so there's no pressure.  It's just going to be to prove to myself and reach my personal goals.  And hopefully show some of the youngsters that this old lady's still got it ;) 

The Court of Arbitration of Sport gives a "decision." My thoughts - or at least the ones I can publish...

The fight to get women equal treatment in the Tokyo Olympics has been on going.  CAS said they would rule on the merits literally half a year ago.  They've been stringing us along.  Now they say they can't help.  They, the highest sports court in the world, can't help athletes.  I call bogus.  I'm upset, I'm frustrated and honestly I'm pissed.  Not only for us women but also for our Lawyer Paul, who has spent countless hours and resources helping us.  I'm upset that women are STILL treated like this in the year 2020, and even more so I'm upset that there are people who think it's okay that women are treated like this. 

I realize that there are bigger issues in the world.  There are huge injustices happening all over the globe every single minute of every single day.  But to me this was such an easy one to fix.  Their biggest problem was that we didn't ask at the right time, we needed to ask three years ago and the problem now was that there was NO WAY logistically they could add an event less than a year from the Olympics.  That's what they based their main argument on.  The logistics would just be impossible.  Never mind it's not really adding an event, it's adding 60 women to the 60 men that are out there. 

Then they announced that they would move the marathon and the Race Walk to Sapporo, against the wishes of the Tokyo government.  Not knowing where courses would be.  Not knowing so many, many things.  Can you imagine the logistics involved in moving five events?!?!?!  And I thought to myself, there goes their big argument!  There goes what they were basing it all on.  And now they did that.  What reason could they possibly have to say no now?

They found their way out.  They found their loophole.  They wanted so badly to keep equality out that they found a way.  Never mind that every single everything talks about equality and how they strive for it.  It would've been so simple to do, so very, very simple. 

The words are all jumbled up inside.  I just can't even...  I hate injustice.  I hate feeling helpless and weak.  I hate not having somewhere/someone else to go to.  I hate feeling like a bunch of old dudes are getting the final word.  I want to scream, I want to yell, I want to cry, I want to punch a wall (but I won't).  I'm mad. 

To the people who have always stood beside me in the fight for equality, all the way back since 2011, thank you for 9 long years of support.  To those who get outraged at the unfair treatment, thank you.  And for those of you who read this decision and don't get upset, why not?  Shame on you.  You should. 

If you haven't read the excellent summary that Paul wrote I will copy it here. 

Thank you.

From Coubertin to Bach: the Olympic Champions of Sexism

By Paul F. DeMeester

On August 7, up to 60 male athletes will vie for gold in the 50K Race Walk Event at the 2020 Olympic Games in Japan. Women 50K walkers, however, are excluded from Olympic competition, rendering the race the only track and field event still subject to sex discrimination.

On March 31, 2019, seven women athletes and one male athlete filed the first of two suits in the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS), based in Lausanne, Switzerland, to remedy this situation. They were not asking for anything new. The 50K Race Walk has been on the Olympic program since 1932, save one. All they asked for was that women be included in the event.
The Olympic Charter, which serves as the constitution of the Olympic Movement, guarantees gender
equality and prohibits sex discrimination. Women 50K race walkers want the same opportunity that female marathon runners finally obtained in 1984: to contest their event at the Olympics just like the men do.

The world governing body for track and field, now called World Athletics but until recently known as the International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF) requested the International Olympic Committee (IOC) to live up to the gender equality provisions of its own Charter and include women in the 2020 Olympic 50K Race Walk, just like the IAAF had been successfully doing in its own World Championships since 2017. But the IOC said “no.” Hence, the legal challenge.

The CAS Court, often dubbed the “world supreme court for sport,” added insult to injury on February 3,

2020. In their just published decisions – after sitting on the case for six months beyond their own self-
imposed deadline – the Court held that it did not have personal jurisdiction over the athletes who brought the claim. Never mind that the Olympic Charter assigns any dispute arising in connection with the Olympic Games exclusively to the CAS Court.

The CAS Court set up a perfect catch-22 in upholding the IOC’s sex discrimination: because a woman 50K race walker is not an Olympic athlete – by virtue of being excluded, of course – she is out of luck. Let’s put it another way: the CAS Court told these women athletes that because they are women, they are not allowed to ask the Court to order the IOC to follow its own constitution. The CAS Court decisions are prime examples of gender discrimination.

The CAS Court cited four of its prior cases as precedent. None of them is on point, as lawyers would say. One of those cases involved the interpretation of the terms of the Code of Ethics, an issue irrelevant to our case. Three other cases dealt with individuals who had been passed over for selection to represent their countries at the Olympics. Other athletes had been selected instead. The Olympic Charter gives discretion to national sports bodies to decide whom to select. The overlooked athlete may qualm with the subjective decision of her or his national federation, but this does not implicate the IOC and does not rise to the type of dispute that involves the wholesale exclusion of more than half the world’s population from an Olympic event based on their gender, an issue that strikes at the heart of the Fundamental Principles of Olympism.

The CAS Court admitted that it has subject-matter jurisdiction. In other words, the Court ruled it could properly decide the exclusion of women at the Olympics but a woman 50K athlete cannot bring a case because she is not an Olympic athlete. Of course, she is not! That’s the whole point of the case.

That’s like telling women who are deprived of the vote based on their gender that they cannot claim unconstitutional gender discrimination in court because they are not voters.
Perhaps it should come as no surprise that the CAS Court ruled as it did. It was created by the IOC, and a prominent IOC member serves as its President. The two lawyers for the IOC in the discrimination case had previously served as CAS arbitrators (judges, really). The Court and the IOC are mere blocks away from each other in the same small, Swiss city of Lausanne.

The IOC is a peculiar institution. It was founded in 1894 by a Frenchman, Pierre de Coubertin, who
handpicked a committee of men to be the IOC. Ever since, those committee members select who their new colleagues will be. Coubertin was the epitome of a sexist. He wanted women excluded from sport. His legacy lives on, albeit in a more subtle fashion. While the current IOC President, German Thomas Bach, goes around collecting “gender equality” awards from well-meaning organizations, behind their back, he  stabs women athletes in the back, figuratively speaking (Bach was an Olympic fencing gold medalist).

The IOC is undemocratic. The large world governing bodies in sports, like World Athletics or FIFA (soccer), regularly elect the members of its governing council and its executive leadership. The voting is based on one vote per national member federation. Think of it as similar to a vote in the United Nations General Assembly. Back in December of 2018, democratically elected IAAF Council members voted to request inclusion of women in the 2020 Olympic 50K Race Walk. The internally handpicked IOC denied the request.

This dynamic points to a larger issue in sports. The IOC demands adherence to its rules and wishes before allowing any sport, discipline or event to be on the Olympic program. International sports federations are happy to oblige, because ever since the commercial success of the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics, the Olympic Movement has generated a giant cash cow for the IOC. Part of that largesse is distributed by the IOC to the various federations. The money flow creates a dependency, whereby international federations are quick to give in to Olympic demands. This way, the IOC will end up writing all the sports rule books. It was not always so. Before this monetary dependence started, the IAAF organized its first World Championships in 1976 just for the Men’s 50K Race Walk Event, courtesy of the IOC having axed the event at that year’s Montreal Olympics. One Olympiad later, the 50K was back.

More recently, in 2017, the IOC once again wished to rid the Olympics of the 50K. Too long, the IOC said. Not enough broadcast interest, they said. And get this, not gender equal. But when the IAAF remedied the latter, the IOC did not want gender equality in the event. Why not? Because gender equality would most likely result in the survival of the 50K as an Olympic event.

The real reason the 50K is a thorn in the Olympic eye is that the event does not bring revenue into the
Olympic coffers. Attending Olympic race walk events is free to the public. And fair enough, having Usain Bolt on the track sells tickets. But not so much for Matej Tóth. Who? Hence, staging this four-hour-plus event costs the IOC money in logistical arrangements. Being sexist about the 50K race walk is the IOC’s way to look out for their financial bottom line. Forget gender equality, forget sports, forget the Olympic Charter, forget justice. This is all about the almighty Swiss franc.

The time has come to scrutinize the corporate governance structures and finances of the IOC. Maybe the CAS Court ruling, as bad as it is, may help with that. Athletes may instead turn to their own nations’ courts to combat Olympic ills. Antitrust law and European competition rules may come into play. With the next two Olympics after Tokyo being held in Paris (2024) and Los Angeles (2028), courts in those locales may not be as solicitous of the IOC as the CAS Court has proven to be. Perhaps athletes will turn to their legislatures and demand accountability, transparency and democracy from the IOC, the National Olympic Committees and the Local Olympic Organizing Committees.

Unfortunately, all of that will come too late for those women athletes whose quest for an end to sexism wasturned down by the CAS Court because of one jurisdictional defect: they are women.

50K nationals 2020 is in the books!

Hello from cold, snowy and icy upstate NY!  I'm finally home with real internet service, happily sitting on the couch watching TV in English and cuddling with my cats.  Feels like heaven.  I'm hoping to write a post on my experience training in Ecuador for the month before the race, but for now I'd like to share about the race in Santee, California on January 25th.  The race that was the Men's 50K Olympic Trials and the women's 50K national championships.

Start of the women's and international and masters men's 50K

Historically in Santee we've had crazy hot weather for that time of year.  One year the temperature got up to about 86F (30C) and the ambient temperature on the pavement was insane.  This year we started off I think around 45F (7C) with a really nice mist in the air.  That misty fog stayed around for a good couple hours before burning off and the sun coming out.  For me it never got to feeling that hot.  What I noticed more was that it seemed dry.  Near the end by the time I was getting back around to the aid table (1.25K loops) my mouth was getting dry.  I wasn't necessarily thirsty, just dry mouth.  I know for Dave it felt warm, but that's because he's been in the cold, icy mess that is upstate NY at this time of year.

AJ and Dr. Tina Nagle

Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself!  First, I want to make sure I get the thanks out there.  I knew that if I was training in Ecuador for a month my body would be out of alignment.  Ever since my accident my body can be... shall we say... temperamental.  My spine will go out of alignment and I'll lose all power and strength in my stride.   Sometimes if I see a new chiropractor they don't really know the intricacies of my neck and can actually make things worse.  So my chiropractor took three days off work to come out and make sure my body was in the best possible condition it could be.  Words will never be able to express how thankful I am to her for doing that!  Because wow did I need her!  My body was just about sideways by the time I got to California between the training in Ecuador and the 18 hours of plane flights/travel.  There is zero chance I would've raced as well as I did if it wasn't for her.  If you're ever in the Southern Tier of NY and need a chiropractor there is absolutely no one better than Dr. Tina Nagle!!!!!!!!   From the bottom of my sore feet to the top of my head, thank you!

With the new Safesport rules we thought that we would have to have a safesport checked and verified person at the aid station.  Those rules were subsequently loosened to have a waiver for people, but before we knew that I told our friend Brett Shelton and he immediately jumped into action.  He also took three days off work so he could come out and do our aid.  And he did amazing!  I never had to worry about anything, things were waiting for me when I came by.  He was always positive and happy and encouraging.  If you haven't done a 50K you don't realize the importance of a solid aid person.  It can literally make or break your race at times.  Well, with Brett our race was made becuase he was amazing.  I can't thank him enough for the time he took for us to help us reach our dreams.

AJ by the flame

On to the races!  I had four athletes competing; myself (yes, I count myself as my athlete because I coach myself) Dave, AJ and Lydia.  Dave and AJ were entered in the Olympic Trials and started at 7:00.  Lydia and myself were in the open 50K that started at 7:20.  Everyone had their race plan, their goals and their motivation.  I had a feeling it was going to be a good day and it was.

AJ racing strong.  You can see how nice and foggy the race started off.

AJ went into the race seeded 4th which is where he placed.  He had a strong race, not as good timewise as we needed, but he kept pushing and never gave up.  We have some things to work on and improve, but not too shabby for his first Olympic Trials!

Isn't he cute!  I think we make a good tired and sweaty post 50K race couple.
Photo Credit Karen Beth Pearlman

Dave went into the race with his goals.  He held pace for about half the race and slowed a bit.  Some people passed him, he passed some back at the end.   His finishing time of 5:06:52 was an improvement from his last 50K in hotter conditions and placed him seventh and in the money position.   And that improvement came while training in snow and ice and temperatures that were sometimes 17F (-8C).  I couldn't be prouder of him.

Lydia finding her 100% even before the race.  She always finds it when she needs it!

Lydia came into the race not quite 100% physically but 100% mentally.  She amazes me with her positive mindset and positive outlook.  When the race turned from what she wanted she was able to turn her mind from that disappointment into what positives she saw.  I knew I never had to tell her to just keep going.  I knew there was no way she'd stop.  Her strength and determination kept her in fourth place, an awesome showing.

Later the mist burned off to bright sunny blue skies.

I know the most about my race, since I raced it.  :)  I started off way slower than I thought I was going, probably because I was colder than I'd been in a month.  In hindsight it was a blessing in disguise as it let me really settle into a comfortable pace.  I started off in sixth that was actually fifth.  I'll explain.  We have deadlines for when our national championships are entered.  One of the women, Stephanie Casey wasn't entered.  My understanding was she wasn't planning on coming but later entered the 10K.  I heard that she was convinced to start the 50K to see what happened.  But since entries were closed she was entered as a guest, just like international athletes were.  So while she was ahead of me she wasn't my competition for our national championship places, prize money or World Athletics bonus points. 

Getting tired but still pushing.
Photo credit:  Karen Beth Pearlman

I was patient because I know what happens in a 50K.  I warmed into my pace and was feeling right on that edge of thinking "is this too fast" pace but thought this was a chance to see where I'm at fitness wise.  So I kept going.  I passed half way in about 2:22:45 and was happy with that.  By that point I had moved into fourth (third).   Then about 35K or so I moved into third (second).  Robyn, the eventual winner was way up, but Stephanie seemed to be not gaining on me and I thought maybe coming back towards me.  I knew she wasn't my direct competition, but I thought it was good motivation to keep my time from slowing, so I started trying to work up to her.  I think at one point she was about three and a half minutes up on me.  That time cut down to just over a minute and kept shrinking.  With two laps to go I was about 45 seconds back and with a lap to go I was 15 seconds back.  So I put my head down (literally and figuratively) and just gave it what I had.  With about  200 or so meters to go I caught her, but she had something left in the tank and was able to pick it up.  I knew I was still second in the championships and didn't want to do something stupid like race down the line and get pulled for being off the ground racing against someone who wasn't my competition so I settled and stayed smart.  My time of 4:47:01 is my fastest time since 2017.  My second half of the race was only about 1:30 slower than my first half.   I'm very proud of that.

The only thing better than finishing is finishing and then seeing my sweetie!
Photo credit: Karen Beth Pearlman 

Another thing I'm very proud of is I got no paddles or cards.  My technique feels stronger and more solid than it ever has.  I've really been working on my technique and my glute and core strength and it's paying off.  There's more to be gained there too!  Which is really exciting.

With the wonder Chloe!!!!  One of my biggest fans!!!
Photo credit: Karen Beth Pearlman

So Team Fashizzle (as one of my younger athletes calls me and the athletes I coach) did fantastic.  Second, two Fourths and a Seventh.  I'm not sure who all the athletes in the 50K are coached by (but I know most....) and I think we were the biggest team in the 50K.  I'm very proud of all the hard work that all of the athletes that I coach put in.  They really do inspire me to work harder and keep going and to try and be a good model for them. 

Lydia and I getting our age group awards.  I really am not posing, I don't even know how to pose. 

One thing that's really hard for me, being a coach and athlete, is not feeling like I am able to coach athletes during the race as much as I'd like.  I realize that an athlete must do the race themselves, but I love cheering and yelling and helping with splits and being supportive more than I can do while I'm also racing.  I'm very thankful that the athletes I coach are understanding of this. 

The Shore AC crew!  It's thanks to Elliott Denman and the Sore AC's support that so many of us are where we are today.  Their support  means the world to us!  

Now it's time to recover and figure out goals for the rest of the year.  Both AJ and I made the team to Belarus, so that's obviously on the radar.  I'm very excited to have made another (I think tenth?!?!?!) national team.

To the people who continued to believe in me through the few lean years.  If you continue to believe in yourself  and keep working it is possible to turn things back around.

Stay tuned for more!!!

"Boss" and "The Kid" 

Lydia and her amazing support team.  50K athletes can't do it without our support!!!

National 30K results and catch up

Wow, it's been a while since I posted.  I guess that's because things have been so up and down lately and I've barely known which way is up.  And training has been at times nonexistent.   I started having major problems with my stomach, lots of pain and cramping that would lead to desperately needing the restroom during a workout and leave me feeling completely depleted and have no energy.  The episodes were taking all my electrolytes, so once that happened I was toasted.  After a race in Ohio I had an episode with a ton of blood and that got us a bit worried so I went to the doctor. 

The doctor referred me to a specialist.  He ordered a bunch of tests including an endoscopy and colonoscopy, yay!!!!!  It definitely could've been worse, but not a ton of fun.  All the tests came back negative, which on the one hand was good, but on the other still left me not knowing why my stomach was hurting so much and why I couldn't get through a long workout. 

Long story short, after working with another doctor (because the specialist actually still hasn't called me with those results, I had to find out from my GP, even though the test was around 2.5 weeks ago...) and we figured that I had some sort of parasite.  It could've been left over from all the antibiotics I took back in January/February.  I had been feeling for a few months like I was constantly almost getting strep throat again and exhausted and really just wanting to lay on the couch.  I had some good training in Hungary and that probably lowered my immune system enough that it tipped me just a bit over the edge. 

I've since gone on some natural antibiotics and some herbs and stuff.  And thank goodness, I FINALLY AM FEELING BETTER!!!!!   I feel more like my old self than I have at all this year.  The stupid strep throat really took my body for a ride.  I hadn't felt good all year.  So it's nice to finally be having some energy again.   My stomach is still hurting but we figured that is actually caused by stress.  So I'm trying to manage that.  I've had some days where I almost feel like I'm having a panic attack and just have to sort of chill, but I think it's getting under control. 

I was both looking forward to and dreading the 30K.  I really want to be in good shape, but training has been spotty.   I figured I'd go to have fun and see what I could do and just think about it as a good training walk.  The nice thing was with multiple athletes racing, one who is pretty new, I had lots of things to focus on before the race other than me.  :)  More about them soon!

The race started off and I got into a nice comfortable groove.  I hoped I could keep it up, but I wanted to push the whole race so I kept the foot off the pedal a little.  I was feeling good through 10K, and wasn't thinking hardly at all since I was spending most of the time trying to get Lydia to follow her race plan, so time flew by.  At 15K I was still feeling great.  I did my second 10K faster than my first to finish off my 20K.  Around 22K I started to catch up to Maria who had walked a hard 20K and was doing a 10K chaser/cool down to finish off the 30K.  I decided that was good motivation to keep pushing and caught up to her and chatted for a bit and pulled a way a bit.  Basically I had unlapped myself from her.  It was a nice mental push to keep going and I ended with my last 10K being my fastest.  My 5K splits were as follows:

28:56, 28:50, 28:40, 28:33, 28:07, 28:32
Which gave me 10K splits of:
57:46, 57:13 and 56:39
And halves of:
1:26:26, 1:25:14

Really couldn't be much happier with that.  But the best part of the day was what my athletes did!!!

First up is Dave!!!  At the age of 59 he qualified for his 4th Olympic Trials event walking a single age best of 5:07:26!!!!  That got him 7.5 minutes under the qualifying time.  He raced super smart, starting off really easy and controlled.  He maybe started to make his move just a little early and slowed just a smidge his last 6K, but he looked strong and smooth throughout.  Never did he look like he was death marching.  I couldn't be more proud of him!

Lydia came through in a new 50K PB breaking 5 hours for the first time!  Her time of 4:56:48 is really solid and expect more to come from her!  Especially once we get her to really commit to following her race plan!

Siobhan is relatively new to race walking, having just started this summer.  This was her second race walking race and first time she's really been away from her family.  She handled it like a champ and did over a 5 minute personal best at the 5K distance!  Which is HUGE!  She still has to learn to have faith and believe in herself and she's going to start really turning some heads!

AJ also did a 50K.  We've been working on his nutrition plan and had great success with that.  It ended up being his second fastest 50K ever, so pretty darned happy about that.  A solid foundation is being laid that's going to really push him forward come January and the 50K Olympic Trials! 

Adrianna wasn't at the 30K, but did a local 5K race and broke 30 minutes.  She's another one that's going to be surprising some people soon!

For the national 30K  Siobhan won the 5K.  I came in second overall in the 50K and first masters, Lydia was 3rd overall and 2nd master.  AJ was second overall and Dave was third overall and first master.  AJ was the second male 50K finisher and Lydia was third overall and first female in the 50K.  Not a bad haul for the day!  Seeing how hard they work definitely inspires me to keep working too! 

Onward and upward.  Keep working hard, keep pushing, never lose sight of your dreams! 

The start of a comeback? NCCWMA 10K

Photo credit:  Dan Slovitt

Brother, it's been a while since I've written.  This has been for a few reasons.  1.  I've been super busy.  2.  I haven't had much of anything interesting to post in the world of race walking.  3.  I've been super down and just haven't wanted to. 

The past few years have been rough.  Coming back from hip surgery has been interesting.  I can't blame my lack of results on it at all, I had a great PT helping me and things seem good.  I've gotten sick a few times which have really thrown me for a loop, especially the Strep Throat I got in January that lingered for about 4.5 months.  That really threw me for a loop physically and especially mentally. 

Sports at a high level (I'm not going to use the word elite) is a funny thing.  There's this mystique wrapped around it.  Athletes are supposed to be tough, breaking through incredible hardships to strive for their dreams and goals.  We're supposed to be almost super human!!  And then we reach the podium and everything is rose colored. 

Reality really isn't like that.  We go through so much self doubt.  I have self doubt.  I have self doubt ALL THE TIME.  And for me personally, since I constantly feel like people don't believe I can achieve the things I believe I can, I'm afraid to show any weakness.  Because if I do then that will just lead them to say, see, just like I thought.

It's easy to say, just don't worry about what others think.  For the most part I'd like to think that I'm someone who doesn't really care what people think, but I still do.  I know that I have achieved some awesome things in my sports career, things that no other woman will be able to say that they've done.  And very few people give me credit for those things that I've done.  I'm learning to care less about it and just be proud of myself, but if I'm being honest about it, it's hard when I see how others get treated now for doing the things I did 5 years ago and I was ignored and they are celebrated.  And I think that's a natural and reasonable thing to feel.  And I'm learning to handle it.

With the ongoing fight for the women's 50K it's been taking a real toll on me mentally.  I've been fighting/pushing/trying for 50K equality since 2011.  That's 8 years of nearly constant pushing.  That is a long, long time.   And it has really, really beaten me down. 

So I went through a phase where I was pretty depressed.  I didn't want to get off the couch.  I barely was able to do things I would normally do.  And I had little to no desire to train.  I would force myself sometimes, but then just be down about how slow I was.  Then I turned a bit to food and gained about 15 pounds.  So now on top of it all I'm super duper self conscious about my figure.

One reason I've always been afraid to talk about what's been going on with myself is because I'm a coach.  I want to always, 100% be there for my athletes.  Sometimes I can't, and they know that.  they know when I'm away at a competition I'm not available as much.  But I never, ever want the athletes that I coach to feel like they can't come to me because I'm having a rough patch.  So I held it inside.  This hit me really hard when I was about to talk to one of the athletes I coach and tell her just a little bit about the rough patch I'd been going through when she said something along the lines of, "you're so tough, you can handle anything."  I realize I should tell her that it's not really true, I'm human like everyone else.  I struggle, I cry, I yell and I get frustrated.  But it took me so much by surprise and I didn't want to let her down that I stayed silent.  Soon I will get up the courage to tell her I'm not everything she thinks I am.

The clincher though was when I was working with my doctor because I was just so exhausted that it seemed something was wrong and we started looking into things and we  came to the conclusion that I was starting to show some pre-chronic fatigue type symptoms.  That freaked me out! 

So I've been cutting out as much stress in my life as possible and feeling better already.  We had the national 40K a few weeks ago and my friend stayed with us and it was so nice to train with her and have fun and I felt excited again.  I raced the 40K, did the first 5K with an athlete, then another few K with another athlete and then settled into my race around 8K in.  I negative split the race and finished with a 5:35K and that made me feel awesome!  Was my time "good"?  Depends on your definition.  If we're looking at elite level, no.  But it fulfilled a purpose and gave me hope.

Training has been getting better.  Not perfect, but better.  I find if something stressful happens my body still has a very strong stress reaction and I have to just honor it and go with it.  I had a long session planned for the day the calf died and it was so emotional that when I tried to do my session I just couldn't.  At first I tried to tell myself that I should be tougher than that, stop being a wimp!  But no, I needed to be kind to myself.  So I listened to my body, did what I needed to do, and moved forward. 

photo credit Dan Slovitt.  Lydia rocked it!  I love racing with athletes I coach :)   

When I came up here to Toronto for the Norther American, Central and Caribbean Master's championships (NCCWMA) I came to have some fun.  I just wanted to race and see people and enjoy being out.  And yesterday that's what I did!  I did have a time goal (of course).  I wanted to go sub 54:00 for the 10K, but didn't know if that was realistic.  The night before the race I could barely move.  But the morning of the race the temperature was decently cool for what it has been so that felt good.  The course was.... decent.  There were speed bumps that really took me off stride the last few Ks and the pavement was a bit broken up in spots and it was probably the narrowest course I've ever raced on.  But I've been on much, much worse courses before.  The humidity was fairly oppressive, but I've been training in worse.  It seemed that a lot of people were a minute or two off their usual times.  So when I finished at 53:53 I was quite happy.  My second 5K was slower than my first, which I don't really like, but I'm still happy with my pacing/racing.  It felt so good to be out pushing and breathing hard again! 

very cool and big medal!

So maybe this is the real start of the comeback.  I have a long way to go to get back to holding that pace for an entire 50K, but I've done it before and I believe I can do it again.  And you know what?  If you don't think I can do it again just keep it to yourself because I believe it and that's what matters.   However, if you believe it too and want to be supportive then let it flow!  Imagine what the world could be like if we all supported each other!

The 5,000 for NCCWMA is Sunday, so that'll be fun!  And Saturday I'm really going to have some fun, I'm going to throw the discus!!!  I haven't thrown seriously since high school.  I've been practicing and have thrown a few out there a decent distance, so I think it'll be a good competition! 

After that I'm going to go to Hungary to train with my friend and do some fun races.  I'm going to enjoy life, train hard, clean up my eating, and get back to what I love.  Training, racing, meeting people, seeing places and enjoying myself. 

People have always asked me when I'll stop race walking.  My answer has always been "until I'm not having fun anymore."    I almost got to that point a number of times in the last few years.  I really contemplated stopping competitive race walking and shifting my focus to other things.  But I'm not ready to stop yet.  I know I can still achieve some things I want to achieve.  So that's what I'll do :) 

Never give up.  Talk to people if you need people to talk to.  I am always here to listen if you need someone to talk to.  My house is always a safe place.  My private messages on FB are always open if you need.  Never feel alone.  Never feel like it's hopeless.  Never feel like there's not someone you can talk to. 

Happy training!

Photo Credit Vlado Haluska.  This was from the national 40K, and I just LOVE this picture!!!